Living Aboard Ship
Page 6 of 11
- For nights ops, wear earplugs. Have your neighbor stand across the street on the darkest of nights with a flashlight with a cone on the end so that he can signal you when the coast is clear of oncoming cars. When you're halfway across the street, have him change the signal as a car is ten feet from you and blaring its horn. Break into a sprint and trip over a manhole cover.
- At random intervals during the day and night, have people drag chains on the roof, jump up and down, pound the roof with sledgehammers, and shake the house.
- Stand in the street in dismal weather and direct traffic for 8 hours. Go onto your porch, eat a cold sandwich with warm milk, curl up on the floor for a short nap, and then go back to directing traffic.
- Buy 50 cases of toilet paper, lock up all but two rolls, and then keep these two wet.
- Divide bathroom shower with three partitions. Remove shower nozzles and replace them with kitchen sink dish sprayers, make it impossible to keep the water at a constant temperature.
- Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.
- Get up late at night, walk carefully to the bathroom with only red nightlights to see by, groggily step into the bathroom and step into 4 inches of sewage that has overflowed onto the floor due to one of your children flushing a shirt that clogged the sewage system.
- Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four-hour period.
- On random days, either turn off the hot water or the cold water to the shower, and then on weekends inform your family that they used too much water during the week and as a result all showering is secured.
- Pick random times during the day to lock the bathroom for cleaning.
- Remove the glass bathroom sink and replace it with a scratched metal one.
- Screw a framed copy of the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) to the wall next to the commode so you always see it while using the commode.
- When showering, randomly shut off either the hot or the cold water.