Anger

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts in an exaggerated, overly dramatic way. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything and that it will not make you feel better, and may actually make you feel worse.

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. The words are inaccurate and they serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there is no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it is justified, may quickly become irrational. So use cold, hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you are just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Angry people tend to demand things, such as fairness, appreciation, and agreement. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we do not get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands are not met, their disappointment becomes anger.

Angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, try saying, "I would like" instead of saying "I demand" or "I must have." Then when you are unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions of frustration, disappointment, and hurt—but not anger.