A mother and her small daughter were in riding a cab when the daughter asked why several wildly dressed women were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother replied, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work." The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! They're hookers!" After a brief silence, the daughter then asks, "Mummy, do hookers have children?" The mother replies, "Of course, they do dear. That's where cabbies come from?
At every wedding I went to, old people would pinch my cheeks and say, "Sweetie, You're next!" They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals.
Two women were at the pearly gates, comparing notes as to how they got there. "I froze to death," said the first one. The second replied, "I thought my husband was cheating, so I came home early one day, hoping to catch him. I raced around the house in a frenzy, looking everywhere, and got so upset I had a heart attack." Said the first, "You should have looked in the freezer... we both might still be alive!"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, and hit a tree. The passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."