What are Black Belts?
- Black belts do not write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Black belts can divide by zero.
- A picture is worth a thousand words. A black belt is worth a thousand hours of training.
- When Black belts talks, everybody listens; those who do not listen—bleed.
- Contrary to popular belief, there are enough black belts to go around.
- For some, one testicle is larger than the other one. For black belts, each testicle is larger than the other one.
- When black belts drink, they do not throw up; they throw down.
- Archeologists unearthed the first English dictionary. It defined "victim" as "one who disrespected a black belt"
- If you Google search for "humble black belts,” you will get zero results.
- A black belt invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of the womb.
- A black belt can watch 60 minutes in 6 minutes.
- Black belts have a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in their way.
- On a crowed sidewalk, a black belt does not walk around people; they walk around her.
- A black belt can play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and win.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas when they sleep. Superman wears a black belt.
- Black belts keep their friends close and their enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with side kick to the face.
- Black belts do not stub their toes; they accidentally destroy things.
- Black belts can slam a revolving door.
- Black belts do not step on toes; they step on faces.
- A study showed the leading causes of death are heart disease, cancer, and black belts.
- Once you go black belt, you can never go back.
- What is the last thing you hear before a black belt kicks you? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
- Black belts do not play god. Playing is for children.
- Black belts perform a public service by donating dead bodies for scientific research.
- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds," he was not referring to the atomic bomb; he was referring to black belts.
- If at first you don't succeed, you are not a black belt.
- Black belts can smell fear. They can also smell hope, as in "I hope he lets me live."
- Behind every successful man is a good woman. Behind every black belt is a good instructor.
- Black belts believe that people have souls, and they find them delicious.
- Black belts can judge a book by its cover.
- How many Black belts' does it take to change a light bulb? None! Black belts prefer to kill in the dark.
- It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a black belt side kick.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into a black belt.
- A black belt once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
- Sticks and stones may break your bones, but black belt will liquefy your organs.
- The truth my set you free, a black belt will not.
- For most people, home is where the heart is. For black belts, home is where he stores his collection of hearts.
- Black belts do not wear watches; they decide what time it is.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind a black belt in a movie theater and forgets to turn his cell phone off.
- Black belts can taste lies.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. Black belts determine the answer.
- Black belts know everything—except mercy.
- When you say "no one's perfects", black belts take it as a personal insult.
- If you work in an office with a black belt, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- When a black belt orders a steak, the steak does as it was told.
- Black belts use Tabasco sauce instead of Visene.
- A man once claimed a black belt kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – once is sufficient.
- Black belts see dead people.
- If a black belt wants your opinion, he will beat it into you.
- They once made black belts toilet paper, but there was a problem—it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- "Sweating bullets” is what occurs when you point a gun at a black belt.
- Black belt do not daydream, they cause nightmares.
- Black belts never have heart attacks; their hearts are not foolish enough to attack them.
- There are no lesbians, just women who have never met a black belt.
- Why did the black belt cross the road? No one knows. No one has ever dared question his motive.
- Black belts do not ask, "Who's your daddy?" They already know the answer.
- The pen is mightier than the sword—if the pen is held by a black belt.
- Black belts know the last digit of pi.
- When black belts wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- Black belts have never been accused of murder because their actions are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
- Black belts consider human beings, targets.
- Black belts like their ice as like skulls: crushed.
- Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people do not know is that the quote continues, "...afraid of Black belts."
- Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in a black belt's kindergarten class.
- The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that a black belts didn't kill you in your sleep.
- He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at a black belt has his last laugh.
- People used to escape black belts using vehicles so black belts created the vehicle accident.
- Before sliced bread, people used to say, "That’s the greatest thing since black belts.”
- Black belts put fun into manslaughter.
- Some people have said that black belts are a myth; those people are no longer with us.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for black belts.
- There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures black belts have allowed to live.
- Black belts do not sleep; they wait.
- Black belts can have their cake and eat it too.
- You can never throw a surprise birthday party for a black belt.
- A black belt is standing BEHIND YOU.
- Black belts speak in all caps.
- Black belts can dribble a football.
- Black belt kicking power may be expressed simply as a horizontal eight
- A black belt was once asked to repeat himself, once.