My karate instructor accused me of something I did not do that involved him dating a married student. He would not listen to reason and me feel ostracized, so I had to quit the classes. I love the martial arts so I have not started training in Taekwondo. I like this instructor but I am wary. Ever had something like this happen to you?
In law enforcement, you learn that the nice little old lady on the corner can become a ruthless murderess under the right circumstance. Some people can fool you, sometimes without their consciously trying. You also learn that you cannot reasonably talk with an unreasonable person, such as a drunk, the mentally ill, or simply a person who has rejected reason in favor of emotions. When faced with people whom I think should be reasonable, such as a lawyer or doctor, but who is actually unreasonable, I always think about the nearly 1000 murder/suicides in Jonestown, Guyana in 1978. In the dead followers of Jim Jones were doctors, lawyers, professors, etc., supposedly reasonable people who were actually terminally stupid. There is little you can do when dealing with unreasonable people, you just have to protect yourself, and avoid them.
One morning, while in the Navy, my boss told me the Executive Officer (XO, second in command of the aircraft carrier) wanted him to reprimand me. He said he did not know why, so I demanded to talk to the XO. The XO told me he had a complaint from a sailor who had accused me of unprofessional conduct. He said the complainant’s name could not be revealed to prevent retaliation. I asked if he had any evidence of my ever retaliating against anyone; he said that did not matter. I asked what I was accused of. He said he could not say since it would reveal the identity of the complainant. I said, “So, let me make sure I understand this. I am being reprimanded and told to correct a behavior, but I am not being told what the behavior is I am to correct and I am not being allowed to question the accuser.” He said that this was true and dismissed me. Luckily the XO was transferred a few months later and the new XO was a great leader.
When it comes to dealing with people, everything is a compromise. As in a marriage, where no matter how much love there is between the two people, it takes a lot of compromise to make the marriage work, finding a marital arts instructor that you can live with takes time and it takes a lot of compromise to make the deal work. Some marriages just do not work out, so you move on and try again. When an instructor does not work out, you learn from the situation, move on, and try another one. Hopefully, you learned something from the previous bad situation and know what to look for in a new instructor.
Students and instructors who have grown up in modern Taekwondo tend to view it as a sport and they view themselves as sportsmen/women and coaches. There are still some vain Taekwondo people, but most view Taekwondo as an enjoyable hobby. Students and instructors who have grown up in traditional karate tend to view it as a “do,” a way of life that takes dedication to the bushido, the way of the warrior. Many take it too literally and think of themselves as true warriors and some consider themselves little “kings” in the kingdom of karate.
Hang in there. Maybe this school and instructor are the ones for you and the marriage will last.