Your first response to this will probably be defensive. You should disarm the situation and buy yourself some time to process what is being said. For example, "Instead of labeling my child, please tell me what happened." Make yourself listen. Remember that this discussion is ultimately about the well-being of your child, regardless of how it is being framed.

Even if your child is behaving aggressively or acting like a bully, remember that this behavior is probably coming from your child's feelings of vulnerability. You need to look for what is going on in your child's interactions with others and what is going on internally, causing your child to behave that way.

In talking with your child, do not blame the child. Do not get into a discussion about the "whys" of what happened. Your discussion should focus on several key points:

• Bullying is not acceptable in our family or in society.

• If you are feeling frustrated, angry, or aggressive, here are some things you can do.

• Remember to role-play, act out the new behaviors.

• Ask, how can I help you with this? Who could you go to in school if you see yourself getting into this type of situation again?

• Specify concretely the consequences if the aggression or bullying continue.

• You want to stop the behavior, understand your child's feelings and then teach and reward  behavior that is more appropriate.

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